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Dear Grandma: A Letter To My Grandmother In Heaven

“That moment you need someone, but they’re in heaven.. and so, you cry instead..”

It’s Christmas morning, 5 months and 2 days since you’ve been gone, and it’s honestly been the hardest time of my life, but the feeling of your tight hugs and forehead kisses keeps me going. You would always talk about your trips around the world, Canada especially. Well guess what grandma, I’m here! I’m spending Christmas this year in Canada with Nick’s family! You would be so happy to hear about it & see how much fun A’miya is having in the snow. It’s just as beautiful as you described.

But that morning, still replaying in my head.. It was 5:51am when I got the call from my mom telling me that you were GONE.

We knew the time was coming, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I literally just spoke to you a few hours before. You fought long and hard, but that morning,

I couldn’t leave your side.. I didn’t want to see you go. I couldn’t believe that you were gone.

The nurse seen, she seen me hurting, and offered me the scarf from your head. Without hesitation, I clenched it between my hands, and inhaled deeply.. you always smelled so good.

Constantly looking at that picture we took on my birthday, before I left for Bahamas and thinking about all the great memories we shared: the times we sat by the lake and fed the ducks, our bus rides to Target, the church trip to St. Augustine, walks to Publix (we would always bring the carts back home with us lol, you were so crazy). It was in that moment, I knew these were the memories you’d want me to cherish forever.

I knew you were in a better place and ready to go home to your father, slowly but surely I stopped crying and climbed in bed next to you, something I wanted to do all weekend, but I never got the chance to. As I laid next to you, my head next to yours.. I felt your presence and I knew you were still with me, you were at peace. We watched the news together until the coroner picked you up. Feeling your presence gave me the strength and courage I needed.

If I could have one last conversation with you, I would thank you for all the wisdom that you’ve instilled within me, for your tough love and strong heart. For the strength you’ve shown me.. your strength has helped me through my pain and continue to prosper. And on those days when I feel like giving up, I can feel the weight of your hand resting on my shoulder and your presence within me. Thank you, Grandma.

Rest In Paradise, Grandma

June 21, 1930 – July 23, 2019

If you’re missing someone this holiday season, believe me when I say that they are still here with you in spirit and you are not alone. Be sure to show your loved ones EXTRA LOVE & APPRECIATION this holiday season!

Happy Holidays,

XOXO

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