endometriosis parenting

Motherhood vs Endo”ME”triosis

The daily struggle I face battling endometriosis as a mother doesn’t get much realer than this.

I can’t stay in bed, I have a baby to care for. I can’t depend on drugs, I have a baby to live for.

Some days it feels like I’m in a fight, in a fight with motherhood itself. Scared to wake up because of the pain that may come, unsure of my feelings for today.

Easily irritated and slightly frustrated. Day in and day out, I just want to feel rejuvenated.

I know I may be smiling but my insides are hurting. Twisting and turning, it feels like my ovaries are bursting. My back is aching, & the heating pad is burning. And yet, my daughter’s face is still breathtaking.

I want to take my daughter for a walk but the pain is piercing down my thighs, sciatica pain at twenty-two, how do I even justify. All I could do is lay back and ask God why.

Why me? I know I may have been stronger in the past but I don’t know how much longer this strength can last.

She wants my attention, to acknowledge her presence but all I can say is “just give me a minute” – a minute to catch my breath after feeling like I just had a contraction. The pain is becoming my biggest distraction.

I grimace in pain as she lays her head on my tummy, but all she’s looking for is comfort from her mommy. She doesn’t understand the pain I’m feeling and that’s fine, I just continue to smile because that baby is mine.

Do yoga they say, it’ll help bring the pain at bay. But how can I even find the time of day when the pain keeps getting in my way. I just want to feel okay.

Motherhood may have been an “option” but it was one I dreamed of for years. Through all my nausea and exhaustion, it’s worth all of these tears.